Open suse leap, because it’s the only one I could install on my computer that would go to sleep and then wake up without locking up.

I can’t speak for you but I didn’t have to do any of that, my installs worked out of the box…

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OpenSUSE Leap is the way to go my dude. It’s been formulated by pedantic Germans and you can’t go wrong with YAST/zypper for package management.

Is this a Linux version of windirstat?

documented in form of an almost-directly executable shell script

I’m annoyed with myself for not thinking of doing this

I haven’t gotten the fingerprint sensor to work but from what I understand that is pretty common.

Opensuse tumbleweed worked with my Dell 2in1 with no dicking around. Give it a shot if other distros aren’t working.

Tumbleweed my dude.